Revenge of the Nerds

Update: History Bros will be operating on a lunar calendar effective immediately. Good news is episodes will be more frequent than as of late; bad news is that’s approximately one episode a month. Why a lunar calendar? Because we at History Bros are observant of my being burnt out. Please be respectful of my minimum effort and religious conversion to a lunar calendar.  The Aztecs used a solar calendar, which, in my opinion, seems like some people were overachievers. Speaking of Aztecs, we have the second most famous Aztec in the studio today, Montezuma II! Well behind the 2005 Pontiac Aztek (valued at $3,595 and available for immediate use – fun bargains accepted!), Montezuma II was the last ruling emperor of the Aztec Empire, famously facing down the hot jock of the conquistadors, Hernan Cortes.

HB: Montezuma, let’s just get this out of the way: please don’t give me diarrhea. I’m not in Cancun, never have been, and this is my turf. Ok?

M2: That’s fair. Though, you don’t have any soap in your restroom – had to use my traveler’s bottle of Purell.

HB: Worry about yourself! This he said, she said of employees washing hands isn’t becoming of you!

M2: Honestly, just…

HB: What’s done is done. Ok, so Google Translate says the term “xiuhpohualli” translates to “outdated nerd calendar”.  That’s fascinating.

M2: It actually translates to “year count” and is very similar to your current 365-day yearly cycle.

HB: Are you questioning Google!?

M2: Yes.

HB: Let’s see if we replace English with Swahili, just to crosscheck. Ok, “simba,” so that checks out.

M2: I’m pretty sure “simba” means “lion” in Swahili. Also, your crosschecking makes no sense.

HB: Why would they name the lead lion in The Lion King just “lion”? That’s so fucking stupid.

M2: It is, I agree with you. But I’d do a little more research than simply relying on Google and Wikipedia. Look, I saw you looking up how to spell my name earlier. And that’s fine, but don’t keep pushing yourself to keep up with what you perceive to be a necessary schedule.

HB: Monty, get the hell out of here!

M2: I will, but just to clarify my point, what’s my son’s name – without looking it up online?

HB: Kelly!

M2: Take a break.

HB: Don’t f’ing touch the Aztek on your way out. …and I’ve got diarrhea cramps. Monty!

M2: It’s probably the stress.

HB: Get out! Also, I’ll have you know, Hernan is interested in the Aztek.

M2: It’s an outstandingly ugly vehicle, and he honestly deserves it.

HB: Good! (phone rings). Hernan! Nah, it’s cool, he’s leaving. Hell yeah we take Discover. You have a $1k limit? Hernan, that’s more than 2k less than the value… I understand. Yes, fun bargains are accepted. What do you mean by sex stuff?