Myth: Edward Teach, more commonly and
notoriously known as Blackbeard, is the archetype of the 17th
and 18th century pirate who would roam the exponentially popular
trade routes crossing through the Caribbean and coasts of the British colonies
of North America. Little is known
about Blackbeard, but educated speculation points to a man possibly raised in a
respectable, wealthy family; someone who could read and write; and one of many
who capitalized on the increased shipping traffic of the West Indies following
Queen Anne’s War in the early 18th century. Contrary to popular belief, most
privateers-turned-pirates of this day in age were not necessarily of the
fiendish sort most imagine them to be; rather, they were often pardoned by
their respective governments from time to time and compelled to capture and
loot enemy nations’ ships.
Nevertheless, Blackbeard was branded a criminal, as he often utilized
means of intimidation rather than outright slaughter to subdue his
victims. After various operations
outside wealthy port towns such as Charles Towne (Charleston), South Carolina,
Teach settled around the coast of North Carolina. Various colonial governors continued to express concern over
the pirate’s continued escapades, and so it fell upon Lieutenant Robert
Maynard’s shoulders to put an end to Teach’s career aboard his beloved Queen
Anne’s Revenge. Maynard’s men spotted Blackbeard and his men near Ocracoke
Island on the evening of November 21st, 1718. The following morning a vicious battle
ensued, resulting in the death and beheading of Edward Teach, soon to be
mounted on Maynard’s sails both as a warning and a means to collect his bounty.
Fact: Much more is known about Edward Teach
than most historians admit, most likely due to the fact that Edward Teach is
really not worth noting in the annals of history. Born into an upper-middle class suburban Bristol, UK family
and raised in a two-sloop garage type of home, Teach was your classic bored,
suburban white boy. Excelling in
English and Comparative Literature, he finished Eton in 3 years and then opted
to attend the newly founded Sarah Lawrence College to pursue English and
Shakespearean Literature and Effects on Sustainability. He also cited “a need to find my own
path and unique identity in this conformist world” as reasons for matriculating
to a British North American liberal arts college. Concurrently, the age-old off-and on obsession with
moustaches and beards began to hit its stride while Teach was at Sarah
Lawrence. And as history has
consistently shown us, the moustache/beard obsession is often accompanied by
infatuations with pirates, ninjas, gramophones and old-school bicycles (we
currently reside during one of these asinine and tedious times, though
historians agree that a decline is in progress). And so it began.
Teach first grew mutton chops, and then graduated to a full-on thick,
black, Arcadian Fire-worthy (think Arcade Fire but with fifes) beard while
dissecting the possibility that Chaucer might be gay in his senior level
English seminars. Since Teach
wasn’t that much of a fan of the Orient (Oh sure, he would laugh at a good
ninja joke now and then out of respect), he opted for the pirate route. After graduation, his beard thicker
than ever, friends began to call him Blackbeard, an ironic nod to
the matter-of-factness the nickname evoked. Armed with a Comparative Lit degree, Teach quickly found
work at a local coffee house near Wilmington, North Carolina – The Pirate’s
Press. Unaware that he was effectively becoming irrelevant to both
British and colonial society, Blackbeard plummeted headfirst into a social
abyss filled with “Arrrrghs” and eye patches. He and his friends even went so far as to carry fake
doubloons on their person, so whenever they’d encounter each other at the Pirate’s
Press or a King James Jam Festival ironic
hilarity would ensue. The evening
of November 21st, 1718 was a fateful night for Teach. Soon after leaving a DIY silk screen
printing press workshop, Blackbeard – who was now lacking in depth perception
due to the constant wearing of an eye patch combined with ill-walking skills
due to a youth large blouse adorning his much larger frame – tripped over a
fixed-gear clipper ship anchor right onto a Lieutenant Maynard’s holstered
sword. Blackbeard expired a few hours
later. A few friends tattooed his
date of death and a beard onto their arms, but besides those few attempts of
immortalization, Teach’s memory was lost to the world.
