Holy shit! It’s been a while since History Bros has been up
and running – my apologies for that as I was grieving the loss of my dear
friend Morrie. I would meet with him
every Wednesday, though we had a bitter fight some five years ago over fantasy
football and some bigoted things he said.
Suffice it to say, I feel terrible and am racked with guilt. Apparently some asshole started meeting with
him on Tuesdays and wrote a book about it.
He didn’t even know Morrie! I knew Morrie! But, life is too short to hate,
and I’ve decided to give back to the community in honor of my dear friend
Morrie. He would’ve wanted that, as bigoted as he could be.
I don’t like soup, so I I’m not volunteering my time at a
soup kitchen. I can’t read (I can write,
I just can’t read), so tutoring is out. So why not help my fellow man with the
basic life skills needed to get moving, get a job and find a sense of purpose
in life? Welp, it just so happens our
guest today is unemployed. Let’s get the job done!
HB: Harry S. Truman! Ex-president and a man collecting
unemployment.
HST: It’s rough out there. We haven’t fully recovered from
the economic crisis of 2008, and most jobs these days require at least a
college degree.
HB: Wait. You don’t have a college degree?
HST: I do not.
HB: I can’t even read and I have a college degree. I majored in classics by the way.
HST: Well, I mean, I enrolled at Spalding’s Commercial
College in Kansas City – go Cornish Game Hens! Studied bookkeeping, shorthand
and typing, but just wasn’t for me. Wasn’t a fit, you know?
HB: Mmmm, your skillset may be dated. Were you training to
become a stenographer? What the hell do
you do with that?
HST: Didn’t you major in classics?
HB: Moving on.
Trumie, what are you passionate about?
HST: Haberdashery
HB: Like, men’s clothing?
HST: Yes, I owned a haberdashery before I fell into
politics.
HB: The man who dropped the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and
Nagasaki was a haberdasher and studied typing?
HST: It takes a delicate touch
HB: The haberdashery business or total war?
HST: Both.
HB: Well, you’ve got gumption, Trumie. Listen, I’ll give my
pal Chad down at Joseph A. Bank a call and see if he can start you off in the
stockroom or something.
HB: Chad, it’s me. I know, thank you. It was good seeing you
at Morrie’s memorial, too. Listen, a buddy of mine needs a job, even if it’s
starting in the stockroom. Mmhmm. Um, Spalding Commercial College, but one
year. Really? Alright, well thanks man. You still doing the 3 for 1 sale?
Awesome. Ok. Bye-bye.
HB: No dice Trumie, you need at least a master’s to work at
the Banks.
HST: Well, I guess it’s time for me to suck it up and go
back to school. What about that ITT Tech I’ve seen on movie box?
HB: Awww, it just went the way of Spalding Commercial
College. Sorry, Trumie. Listen, I’ll take you down to the Banks and I’ll give
you one of my 3 for 1 dress shirts. Least I can do.
All: Banks spree! Yay!
