Game Night!

This week’s guest, his second appearance, is fan favorite and prominent military adviser Miles Standish. Miles, as we all remember, was an English military officer hired to oversee the settlement of the Plymouth Colony by the Puritans in the early 17^th century. Little known fact about Miles: he’s an avid board game fan and Officer of Fun at the colony. Miles has been so kind as to sponsor this episode with his own patented game: Stick N’ Stick. Stick N’ Stick, who’s stick goes farther? Hard work and sheer grit will tell for this game of labor and unrelenting perseverance. Stick N’ Stick! For ages infant to 32! Push that stick with the your other stick! Stick N’ Stick. Livestock or Autumn corn harvest acceptable payment methods. Stick out with your friends with Stick N’ Stick.

HB: Miles, good to have you back! And agree to disagree about the spelling of “old” because there’s no “e,” pal. Actually you’ve been adding “e’s” to every scrabble word you’ve put down.

MS: We’ll call it a tie. Again! Ha-e

HB: Hahaha! Don’t add “e’s” to your “ha’s,” we’ll just edit that out. Seriously, where are you getting all those “e’s”?

MS: I brought the Puritan version of Scrabble, which contains 75 “e’s” and 6 consonants.

HB: For those at home, Miles is showing me a box painted in the drabbest color of gray.

MS: The colony was opposed to the original beige coloring, as well as any form of lettering. So, here you have the deluxe second edition.

HB: Oh, that’s fun. Also, I’m guessing Stick N’ Stick catered to your audience a little more?

MS: Yeah, my first prototype was Stick N’ Anvil, but a lot of people found it too racy, and actually a little easier to move the anvil. So, I went with two sticks with both sides sharpened. It generally just gets stuck after your first move.

HB: So…no one usually wins?

MS: No, which is part of fun. Also, the added risk of impaling yourself keeps you on your toes.

HB: Any other favorites? Stick N’ Stick sounds like a winner, but I think everyone wants to know your all-time favorite game night games.

MS: Sure, sure. Um, I’ve always been a fan of Witch, Witch, Witch.

HB: Oh, I’ve heard of this, it’s like Duck, Duck, Goose.

MS: Exactly, yeah. Good for the kids, and everyone has kids, so. But yeah, you walk around a circle patting the heads of each person until you grab the Witch. At this point everyone gets up and helps carry the “tagged” Witch – both because everyone can get involved and because the Witch will be scared shitless, so you want to hold the flailing arms.

HB: Sure, sure.

MS: Hopefully there’s a water source nearby because you’ll throw the Witch in a pond or lake, whatever, where they’ll end up drowning.

HB: Okay, say there’s not a pond around?

MS: This is the beauty of Witch, Witch, Witch – you can improvise by either tying up the Witch and slowly placing rocks on them. Or, you can grab a stick from my game Stick N’ Stick and drive it through their temple. And then you start anew! Can go on for hours, which is what a great game should be!

HB: Miles! Such a shameless plug for Stick N’ Stick! Hahaha.

MS: Ha-e, Ha-e, Ha-e… Ow, mother fucker!

HB: Oh wow, Miles got one of his sticks in his eye. Jesus, man, that looks bad.

MS: Oh, that smarts! Hand me the other stick!

HB: Good idea. Dislodge it with the other stick. Thank goodness it wasn’t an anvil!

MS: I can’t see.

HB: Thanks all!