Myth: The Burr-Hamilton duel is one of the greatest feuds in American history, spanning decades and rivaling the likes of the Hatfields and McCoys. Alexander Hamilton, former Secretary of the Treasury, and Aaron Burr, the incumbent Vice President, had had a long, bitter history dating back to 1791. Hamilton, a fervent Federalist – that is a supporter of a strong centralized government – felt Burr was a wily, deceitful creature of Democratic-Republican stock, that is to say one against the centralized powers of government. After much bickering between the two, tensions came to a head when Hamilton swayed Congress to vote in Jefferson during the deadlocked 1800 presidential elections since Hamilton believed Jefferson was the lesser of two-evils when compared to Burr. Following an incriminating account, in print mind you, Burr rashly challenged Hamilton to a duel. Though dueling was outlawed in the state of New Jersey, the men met on July 11, 1804, in Weehawken, New Jersey in the early morning hours. True to his word that he would not fire at Burr, Hamilton shot at a tree, while Burr took dead aim at his nemesis and mortally wounded Hamilton. Alexander Hamilton died the next day after hours of agonizing pain.
Fact: First and foremost, dueling with pistols had long been outlawed in the United States after the ratification of the Constitution, and a more egalitarian approach had been set in motion to coincide with the egalitarian ideals of the new Republic. This is not to say that the Burr-Hamilton feud was not real – it most certainly was – but the actual “pistol” duel did in fact never take place. As early as 1790, several new methods of dueling to settle matters of honor and saving face were enacted – methods that would most certainly not result in death, but still satisfy its practitioners. Thomas Jefferson was the first to compile a more democratic and civilized, albeit flamboyant, guide to dueling in his famous Jefferson’s Guide To Dueling Without Bloodshed, Except If They Are Of Indian Descent, Then It’s Totally Kosher To Kill Them & Birdwatching Techniques. The title was later shortened. The first five methods are a telltale sign of America’s yearning to create a more equal and humane republic: 1) Breast Bunching (a precursor to the Tittie Twister that would abound in schools of later years, 2) Shin Kicking (John Adam’s preferred method, 3) The Quaker Quiet (a method where two combatants would sit in a Quaker house and try to not say anything for hours on end, and the first to fart, cough, or speak would lose), 4) I’ve Got Your Head (usually used for minor feuds, where combatants would attempt to pull off the powdered wig of his opponent, and 5) Circle Dueling (considered to be the most democratic of all the methods, this was generally undertaken during stressful Senate hearings when men needed to let out aggression. A circle was created whereupon a chain of slapping with gloves ensued until the circle was complete. It was a precursor to the Circle Jerk of Fraternity Houses of later years). As harmless and egalitarian as these methods may seem, there were some weak points. Most notably, the Circle Duel would end in one man unable to slap the man who had initiated the slapping, leaving him testier than before. On July 11, 1804, a seemingly routine Circle Duel went awry when the last man slapped was none other than Aaron Burr, and by the glove of his nemesis, of Alexander Hamilton. Burr, incensed because he had run out of slapping room, slapped Hamilton back, directly in the eye. Hamilton’s eye grew to the size of a walnut and was extremely bloodshot. Unable to see, Hamilton stumbled into Burr’s holstered pistol, inadvertently firing it at his chest. Hamilton passed away due to a Circle Jerk gone awry.
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