Virgil is a Dick

This episode of History Bros is sponsored by collegeboard.org: collegeboard.org, making teachers teach to the AP Test since whenever. Students pay $93 per exam, the school pays $84 per exam, and so everyone’s fucked.  Collegeboard.org: the poor man’s ETS.  History Bros is also sponsored by Magnum condoms: Magnum condoms, it won’t fit. Stop it. Magnum Condoms!

We have a very special guest today, folks. But before I introduce him, I’d like him to try on one of these free Magnum condoms we received. Magnum condoms: just like bulk order t-shirts, you can’t trade down to the small, you’re stuck with a large!

HB: Try it on, you dunce.

V: I don’t understand.

HB: What are you compensating for?!

V: Huh?

HB: I’m sorry folks, I haven’t introduced you to my dear friend, Virgil. Ancient Roman poet, best known for his “epic,” The Aeneid.

V: Among other things, yes. I still don’t understand…

HB: Sure you do, you son of bitch. AP Latin . Senior year of high school. The entire year was spent translating that ripoff of Homer.

V: Mmm? I certainly modeled it after Homer’s epics, but I introduced new ideas of tragedy and poetry to the…

HB: Shut up. What was the verse written in again, pterodactyl sexymeter?

V: Dactylic Hexameter.

HB: No one likes you.

V: What?

HB: Everyone got a 1 on the AP exam! I drew Ziggy cartoons in my test booklet.  That. Actually. Happened.

V: Ziggy’s a good and, I might add, very witty friend of mine.

HB: Try it on!? For who do you work for!? Collegeboards.org!?

V: For whom.

HB: Take off your bed sheet, you hack!

(Pause)

HB: Oh my god, it’s huge.

V: Man is defined by the mind, son. You seem to be living in the past, and no one ever…

HB: Take the box of Magnums and get the hell out of my studio.

V: As you wish. (Takes a sip of Mountain Dew Red Zone). Red Zone gives you wings!

HB: And Virgil just flew out of the studio. He has a massive penis and can fly.