Lost in Circumnavigation

History Bros is glad to be back after a brief stint at an elite MBA program.  Long story short, I ended up in tears during the 2^nd day of my Negotiations 101 course, I lost $145 Million in fake money because I blindly invested in a pager/smart phone venture that I THOUGHT would take off, and my professor called me a weak dipweed.  It hasn’t affected me one bit.  Not at all.  I can confront others without crying.  Speaking of non-confrontation, we have an elusive special guest today: the Mrs. Amelia Earhart!  She is alive and well, Bros fan.  I catch up with her and ask poignant questions like, “Where the fuck did you go?”

HB: Amelia, great to have you on the program.  Great tan.

AE: Thank you, glad to be here.

HB: Amelia, I think we’re all wondering, “Where the fuck have you been?”  If you had one of these smartphone/pagers – a Phager, if you will – you could’ve called, OR paged!

AE: I’m sorry, are you selling something?

HB:  No.

AE: Are, are you crying?

HB:  NO!  Quick bathroom break for History Bros.  Stay tuned!

(Music from Phager)

HB:  Alright, so, before we get down to your decades-long whereabouts, let’s talk about the early you?  You were born and raised in Kansas, reared by a mother who flouted the norm of the times and rejected the idea of raising dutiful, subservient girls.

AE: Yeah, mother was a real inspiration into my and Pidge’s life.  She…

HB:  I’m sorry, I have to cut you off.  Pidge?

AE:  Yes, Pidge.  My little sister.

HB: Was, um…there something “wrong” with her?

AE:  No, why?

HB:  I just, I dunno.  Nevermind.  Did she bag groceries at the local general store?

AE: That seems oddly specific.

HB:  Hey!  So, you were, for all intents and purposes, a leader of proto-feminism during your day.  Kudos!

AE:  Yeah, yeah.  Again, my mother instilled a sense of wonder and adventure in us girls.  She advocated a drive to go beyond the cramped confines of women those days – to upend the establishment.

HB:  And Pidge was there!  Hey, I get it. I have a cousin who counts utilizing color schemes.  It’s really cool. (Wink).

AE:  Yeah, I guess.  Anyway, I started an all-female aviation organization, the Ninety-Nines.  Even managed to break into the faculty at Purdue’s aviation department.

HB:  Go Boilmakers!

AE:  Meh.

HB: Ha, yeah I don’t really care either.  Alright, let’s get down to brass tacks.  Where the fuck have you been?  After your disappearance over the central Pacific Ocean during an attempted circumnavigation flight, a years-long search ensued.  Most popularly, the “Where The Fuck Is Amelia Earhart” posters appeared all over the world.

AE: I see they’re selling t-shirts and all sorts of novelties now with that phrase emblazoned on each product.

HB:  Yeah, I don’t own one.  Jimmy!  Can you take down the poster in the bathroom!  Jimmy!

Jimmy:  Yeah, but you just told me to get it framed at Michael’s…

HB:  Jimmy!

HB: Sorry about that.  Amelia, where the fuck have you been?

AE: [Sigh] I grew tired of the limelight…  I wanted to disappear.  I emasculated my husband, I angered a lot of people, and all the while, I also garnered an ever-growing fanbase of girls and women who looked to me for answers.  For everything. I…I…just wanted one day, a single day, to be a princess.  Are you crying again?

HB: No, continue…

AE: I landed on a remote island somewhere in the central Pacific with all of these thoughts muddying my cognition, muddying me.  It just so happened that the island was a man-made one, secretly built by Walt Disney.  I had met a cruise ship performer, Stephi – fantastic baton-twirler by the way – and she turned me on to the Disney performance program.

HB:  You worked on a cruise ship?

AE:  I put in thirty years.  25 of those as Cinderella, an outlet I so longed for.  And 5 as Mulan.

HB:  Wait…

AE:  We ran into some hiring issues that later resulted in a lot of people being fired for profiling.

HB: And now, you’re back?

AE: I guess.  Yeah.  Now I just need to apologize to all of those I hurt, those I left behind.

HB:  Amelia, you do realize they’re all dead, right?

AE:  Even lil’ Pidge?

HB:  Definitely lil’ Pidge.

HB:  Let’s go watch Castaway AND Vanilla Sky to gain some perspective on reintroducing yourself to society.