Live at Little Bighorn!

Myth:  The Battle of Little Big Horn, famously referred to as Custer’s Last Stand, was one of the great conflicts that characterized an era rife with Indian Wars – America’s forceful drive into the last frontier and the realization of Manifest Destiny.  Though with regard to The Battle of Little Big Horn, it underscored the native Indian’s hope to valiantly hold on to their way of life and their willingness to fight to the death.  The battle was one of the great last breaths of staving off the encroaching white frontier, as Cheyenne and Lakota chiefs such as Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull overwhelmed Custer’s U.S. force of about 700 men.  Due to faulty intelligence and Custer’s vainglorious temperament, the US Army unknowingly bit off more than it could chew, as about 1,000 plus Cheyenne, Lakota and Arapaho Indians engaged Custer’s cavalry on June 25 and 26 in Montana territory in the year 1876.  About half of Custer’s troops were slain, while only a fraction of that fell to their death among the Indian contingent.  It was a severe blow to the US Army in their war to bridge east and west America, and more importantly, subdue their native foes.  Though it would not be long after such a great loss that all Indians would be subjugated to the whims of the American government, Custer’s doomed battle still lives in the imagination of many – an exotic world where men were driven by pure bloodlust, glory, and on the Indian’s behalf, the avoidance of extinction and loss of culture.

Fact:  There is much conjecture surrounding the death of George Armstrong Custer, since myriad varying accounts exist as to the timing and circumstances of his death.  To an amateur historian, these frivolities may seem important, but not to me.  Much speculation surrounds Custer’s death because he did, in fact, “die” on at least seven occasions.  Moreover, all participants in The Battle of Little Big Horn, both Indian and American, died on more than one occasion.  Going even further, this anomaly defined the Indian wars all the way back to the 1830s and continued into the early 20^th century before the Wild West became nothing more than legend.  This phenomenon is better known as the “John Wayne Death,” or “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Flying Mattress Death.”  Both the Indian and American participants were keenly aware that the majority of these battles would never be seen by their contemporaries, so only the most flamboyant deaths would suffice in battle.  Battles, in their general sense, didn’t actually even take place.  It was more of a back and forth between Indians and US troops as to whom could perform the most ridiculous death, and then relay that information to a fascinated public.  These were America’s proto-screen actors and proto-stunt doubles.  And Custer was the ham of the group.  One Lieutenant Leroy “Unforgiven” Rogers, detailed the process in his man diary: “We would meet on a pitched field of battle, shake hands, teamsters would bring out brunch, and then we’d get to work.  Privates and lower-status warriors generally went first and were only given one chance to perform their glorious death.  Most were hacks that would use the clichéd ‘shot in the gut, walk fifty paces and then fall on your back technique.’  How exhausting.  Officers on the other hand, had seen a few Indie or Art House battles, so they were a bit more creative.  Given a chest protector, they often had a few chances to set up their technique before being killed.  I myself am going with an arrow to the chest (which will be ripped out), several arrows to the buttocks – I’m a glutton for slapstick – and then a backflip off of a buffalo into a nearby creek.”  Custer outdid himself at Little Bighorn.  Depending on the acting chops of Crazy Horse, George took a few practice runs, before executing the perfect Western battle death.  Three bullets were fired in his direction, but right before hitting him, he utilized a hidden diving board to perform a double corkscrew flip onto the back of his horse, rode directly toward Crazy Horse and few extras with guns a-blazing.  Crazy Horse, as instructed, then jumped onto Custer’s horse, whereby each shot at each other from opposite sides of the horse.  Crazy Horse would “realize” that a huge canyon was approaching, dismount and perform a classic theater tumble.  Custer looked ahead at the canyon and sighed in resignation, but before plummeting to his death, he glanced back at Crazy Horse, giving him a wink and quick salute.  Snuff “film” was born, which would give way to the more acceptable Western film.