Truman Goes to School

Holy shit! It’s been a while since History Bros has been up and running – my apologies for that as I was grieving the loss of my dear friend Morrie.  I would meet with him every Wednesday, though we had a bitter fight some five years ago over fantasy football and some bigoted things he said.  Suffice it to say, I feel terrible and am racked with guilt.  Apparently some asshole started meeting with him on Tuesdays and wrote a book about it.  He didn’t even know Morrie! I knew Morrie! But, life is too short to hate, and I’ve decided to give back to the community in honor of my dear friend Morrie. He would’ve wanted that, as bigoted as he could be.

I don’t like soup, so I I’m not volunteering my time at a soup kitchen.  I can’t read (I can write, I just can’t read), so tutoring is out. So why not help my fellow man with the basic life skills needed to get moving, get a job and find a sense of purpose in life?  Welp, it just so happens our guest today is unemployed. Let’s get the job done!

HB: Harry S. Truman! Ex-president and a man collecting unemployment.

HST: It’s rough out there. We haven’t fully recovered from the economic crisis of 2008, and most jobs these days require at least a college degree.

HB: Wait. You don’t have a college degree?

HST: I do not.

HB: I can’t even read and I have a college degree.  I majored in classics by the way.

HST: Well, I mean, I enrolled at Spalding’s Commercial College in Kansas City – go Cornish Game Hens! Studied bookkeeping, shorthand and typing, but just wasn’t for me. Wasn’t a fit, you know?

HB: Mmmm, your skillset may be dated. Were you training to become a stenographer?  What the hell do you do with that?

HST: Didn’t you major in classics?

HB: Moving on.  Trumie, what are you passionate about?

HST: Haberdashery

HB: Like, men’s clothing?

HST: Yes, I owned a haberdashery before I fell into politics.

HB: The man who dropped the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a haberdasher and studied typing?

HST: It takes a delicate touch

HB: The haberdashery business or total war?

HST: Both.

HB: Well, you’ve got gumption, Trumie. Listen, I’ll give my pal Chad down at Joseph A. Bank a call and see if he can start you off in the stockroom or something.

HB: Chad, it’s me. I know, thank you. It was good seeing you at Morrie’s memorial, too. Listen, a buddy of mine needs a job, even if it’s starting in the stockroom. Mmhmm. Um, Spalding Commercial College, but one year. Really? Alright, well thanks man. You still doing the 3 for 1 sale? Awesome. Ok. Bye-bye.

HB: No dice Trumie, you need at least a master’s to work at the Banks.

HST: Well, I guess it’s time for me to suck it up and go back to school. What about that ITT Tech I’ve seen on movie box?

HB: Awww, it just went the way of Spalding Commercial College. Sorry, Trumie. Listen, I’ll take you down to the Banks and I’ll give you one of my 3 for 1 dress shirts. Least I can do.

All: Banks spree! Yay!