Closet Capitalism in Cuba

Myth:  Ernesto “Che” Guevara, more commonly known as Che, was something of a renaissance man.  A physician, theorist, diplomat, and most notably, a Marxist revolutionary, he was pivotal to the Cuban revolution and overthrow of the US-backed dictator, Fulgencio Batista, in 1959.  Meeting Fidel Castro while living in Mexico City, the Argentine became the renowned communist’s second-in-command.  While attempting to spread revolutionary ideas in other impoverished regions, Che was eventually captured in Bolivia in 1965 and executed.

Fact:  Though a brilliant man, Che was never privy to Fidel Castro’s true intentions – he was basically a pawn in the world’s greatest capitalist scheme.  This little known theory, which I deem as historical fact, has yet to catch the public’s eye.  After meeting Che in Mexico city while secretly attending a Princeton University alumni club for Latin Americans, Castro said the following about Che:  “He’s a smart man, but he’s naïve.  He’s perfect for us.  Hot.  Sexy.  Suave.  And most importantly, he’s photogenic.”  While tensions escalated between the US and Cuba, Fidel kept Che busy with diplomatic missions as he set his plan in motion.  Che’s growing popularity was the first part.  “The more popular he is, the better.  And keep feeding him that commie bullshit he devours so readily,” Castro remarked during a CIA meet-up in 1962.  Earlier in 1960, Castro had hired the renowned Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue photographer, Alberto Korda, to snap the best photograph of Che as possible.  Setting Che up in Bolivia in 1965, Castro had completed the most cold-hearted, capitalistic scheme of all time.  After waiting a few years, the closet capitalist Castro unleashed his 75 billion dollar idea upon the world – and the Che t-shirt was born.  Since he owned the copyright to Che’s image, Castro remains one of the world’s wealthiest men, albeit unknown to most of the public.  So, the next time you stop in at Hot Topic after downing an Orange Julius, get this through your dense 15-year-old head:  You buy that shirt and you’re supporting the CIA and capitalism at its finest.  You don’t want to be a nerd, do you?