Boy Scouts Behaving Badly

Myth:  The Boston Tea Party remains one of the most iconic events in American History, as a group of American revolutionaries, some dressed as Mohawk Indians, dumped all 342 chests of British tea from the East Indian Company into Boston Harbor.  It was an act of resistance at the highest level, as American colonists were continuing to be taxed on all facets of life, in this case tea, without Parliamentary representation in Britain.  One of many events that sparked the fuse of the American Revolution, the origins of the Tea Party still remain a bit of a mystery.  Was it inspired by Samuel Adams and his “Sons of Liberty,” or simply an impromptu act of rebellion?

Fact:  It is often accepted as fact that men living in the late 18^th century were significantly shorter than their present day American counterparts.  This is bogus on all accounts, for this is just biological babble – a field I do not understand, and so I dismiss it.  The reason the “Boston Tea Partiers” appeared shorter was exactly because they were not men – they were boys.  Furthermore, they were Boy Scouts of America and members of the Order of the Arrow, an organization that still exists with many, many members today.  Benjamin Franklin had originally organized the “cult” as a simple joke (he was the original Jokester of Philadelphia).  “Let us allow these common boys believe they are actually achieving something.  We shall give them “merit” badges for each mundane skill they perfect, but here’s the kick, we’ll create some 2,000 plus merit badges.  It will be a never-ending quest for a sense of belonging.  Plus, we’ll make them wear sashes,” Franklin stated in 1771.  It was a cruel joke by the jokester himself.  Unbeknownst to Franklin, a few odd, middle-aged men actually believed in such practices.  As a show of solidarity, these new – often unmarried – men donned the ostentatious costume of the Boy Scouts as well, sashes and all.  In the years leading up to the Boston Tea Party, the Boy Scouts bordered on the fanatical.  Often seen cross-dressing, some of the time as Native Americans, they championed a zealous non-alcoholic, caffeine-free lifestyle.  And since all of the tea arriving in America was full of caffeine, they organized a rebellion against the importation of caffeinated tea.  And so, the Boy Scouts of America, originally intended as a cruel prank, executed one of America’s most glorious moments of patriotism.  Ironically, their stunt had nothing to do with independence from Great Britain, but in 1781 their plan succeeded as the invention of Sleepy Time Tea by Celestial Seasonings became known around the newly created United States of America.  Fearing that the truth would completely undermine their radical independent ideology, revolutionaries such as Samuel Adams, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson quieted the Boy Scouts with a hefty bribe and the continued support of their “odd” organization.  Men of revolution were, from this point on, the perpetrators of the Boston Tea Party.  So, the next time you see a Boy Scout, don’t laugh at him, but rather shake his hand, for you are living in the country he created.