Myth: The United States Supreme Court was established in 1789, along with the ratification of the United States Constitution, as the judiciary arm of the United States government. Of all three branches of government, to put it into simplistic terms, the judicial branch – in this case, the Supreme Court –is probably the least understood. Unless one is steeped in the complex mechanisms of United States Constitutional Law, it is as if one is reading ancient Greek. Numerous legal terms abound, usually in Latin. Supreme Court Justices serve for life, unlike their executive and legislative counterparts. In the layman’s eyes it is truly the most peculiar of institutions within the United States government.
Fact: The Supreme Court, not to mention the plethora of municipal, county and state courts, was deliberately constructed in such a way that the majority of citizens could not understand the proceedings in the slightest. It is, in short, a protection of the lawyers and judges who thrive in these odd institutions. This may sound vague so far, but before 1789 and the passing of the Constitution, the legal system was entirely different from what it is today. Bear with me as I venture into a realm that may seem childish to many at first, but remember, this is all factual history. Even today, it is taboo to pass gas – or fart, if you will – in church or in a quiet classroom. Often times one is ostracized at length for doing so. Before 1789, farting (which is derived from a Latin term meaning “stress under law”) was considered a cardinal sin in the courtroom. A prime example is John Adams. A brilliant lawyer and future politician, Adams’ early law career was unsuccessful because he was notoriously “stressed under law” – especially at the end of a trial. He most likely would’ve won almost every case he took on had he not soiled His Majesty’s courtroom with the stench of injustice during the reading of the final verdict. Now, after 1789, the taboo of passing gas under the severe pressures of trial proceedings was still the same, but the Founding Fathers found a loophole – utilize loud and alien terms so to mask these case losing instances. If you have ever been in a courtroom and an attorney randomly blurts out “objection!” this is most likely because said lawyer was covering up a fart; he had become stressed. The same goes for the invention of the gavel, ironically put into use just after 1789. There is no need to recall order in a court with a wooden mallet, but there is a need to smother a career-ending string of stresses under law. The Founding Fathers were comprised of mostly lawyers by trade and they understood the pains of their chosen path; the possibility always loomed of being dismissed because of simple flatulence. The new American Experiment would not allow for such trivialities. John Marshall, the fourth Chief Justice of the US and most notably one of the strongest willed justices in American History, was known for his fiery flatulence. “With strong-will comes strong-winds,” said Ruth Bader Ginsburg of the current Supreme Court. John Marshall is noted as having blurted out “Habeus Corpus” nearly 100 times during the Marbury v. Madison case, and only those privy to the US’s new system knew that what was said was mere drivel, but to others, it seemed utterly important. And why the life long service? As one ages and the mind goes, other justices can simply blame old age on the passing of gas, a more acceptable reason in the courtroom. So, even though the courtroom can be a vicious lion’s den, underlying it all is a mutual respect between lawyers and judges and the stresses of their lifestyle – the stresses of law. As Cicero, the great Roman statesman, once said, “Fartere est humanus.” To stress under law is human.
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