Toga Party

Myth:  On the Ides of March – March 15^th – 44 B.C., Julius Caesar, then dictator of the Roman Republic was stabbed to death by a band of Roman Senators in the Theater of Pompey.  Those involved, self-titled the Liberatores, included some of his ostensible closest friends, most notably Marcus Iunius Brutus.  The plotting Senators wished to see Rome become a Republic of the people once more, and wrest away power from Julius Caesar as the self-proclaimed dictator perpetuo of Rome.

Fact:  The date of assassination was not March 15^th, but rather March 17^th, St. Patrick’s Day.  St. Patrick’s Day did not have its foundation in Ireland as most people believe, but was actually created by Caesar himself due to his fancy for wearing green, beating up Senators who supported the Yankeesium – the popular Roman staff-and-sheep bladder team – and drinking as much wine as possible before passing out on the lawns of a chariot racetrack.  Most other Senators loved the idea of St. Patrick’s Day and on this fateful year of 44 B.C. Brutus and several other the frattier Senators wanted to “punk” Caesar as a way of showing thanks to him and to the gods for this glorious holiday.  Several of the Senators, including Brutus, bought fake, retractable knives with the intention of scaring Caesar into thinking he was being overthrown as dictator during the mid-afternoon beer-pong match.  Just as Caesar was lining up a shot for a back row cup, Brutus, his teammate during the game, unsheathed what he believed to be his fake knife and stabbed Caesar in the heart.  Unbeknownst to Brutus, he had unsheathed his real dagger and stabbed his dearest friend in the chest.  Quickly, the game took a morbid turn as drunken Senators realized what had actually transpired.  Brutus, falling to his knees, proclaimed, “It was just supposed to be a joke, bro.  It was just a joke…”   Caesar looked upon Brutus and whispered, “And you, Brutus…can you see if my shot went in?”  Brutus dutifully arose and looked into the last standing cup to find a blood-tinged ball floating on the surface.  Caesar exhaled his last breath with a grin, knowing he had won the match.  It is said that Brutus carried the red-stained ball on his person at all times during the remainder of his days.  Its location is now a long-forgotten mystery.